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Interlude: Best Served Cold
Interlude Title: Best Served Cold
Canon: PPC/James Bond
Rating: T for...attempted torture (don’t worry, nothing actually happens, only a punch or two), and someone making some Very Nasty Implications about Alec and Kitty (hence one of the punches).
Agents: Callahan, K.; Trevelyan, A.
Time Period: April 2004
Word Count: 1173
Summary: Alec just can’t let a grudge go, can he? (Trick question. That’s like 90% of his personality.
The other 10% is spite.)
It took Kitty a moment to notice he was gone.
“Alec?” She looked around, concerned. The Sue’s body was rapidly cooling, and she idly prodded it with a foot. “Eww.” Nothing for it – if he’d gone off to do something, it was probably important, though she was a bit put out at having been left holding the bag. She programmed a portal to the collapsing ice palace from Die Another Day and, grunting, flung the Sue through it.
“This is my strength training for the week,” she muttered as the portal closed. Then, again, louder: “Alec?”
The shout echoed around the nuclear bunker, and she frowned. She had the Remote Activator, so he couldn’t have portalled back without her. She shouldered the AK-47 she’d used to kill the Sue and padded up the concrete steps. “Marco!”
She hadn’t really expected to hear an answering ‘Polo’, but she tried again. “Marco!”
Still nothing. It was as though the bunker were utterly empty. “Alec, you absolute idiot, where the hell did you go?” she muttered to herself, before she heard a slight clatter. She turned towards it, drawing her pistol, and crept in its general direction. She heard Alec’s voice, through a door at the end of the hallway, which was slightly ajar.
“You know, they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” he said nonchalantly, almost pleasantly. “I think that’s true. Don’t you?”
There was a muttered answer, and the sound of a punch. “In that case, you’re going to be very strong by the time this is over, my old friend. You know how good I am at killing. You might not know how good I am at prolonging it.”
Kitty holstered her pistol and started to run. No, no no, nonononono...
She heard the sound of someone spitting, and then Alec laughed. It wasn’t a nice laugh. “You never change, do you, James?”
“Jesus Christ, Alec, don’t!” Kitty shouted, bursting through the door. She took in the scene with a glance – Bond tied up in a chair, Alec casually wielding a knife – and turned towards her partner to yell at him. “What in the name of St. Peter’s pink leopard-print thong do you think you’re doing?!”
“Something I should have done a long time ago, Callahan,” Alec said coolly. “Leave, and shut the door behind you. I wouldn’t want to implicate you in this.”
“Who’s your little friend, Alec?” Bond asked with a smirk. “Liking them young these days, aren’t you?”
“Oh, Mithros on a Ritz cracker, I’ve half a mind to let him stab you for that remark,” Kitty snarled, feeling her ears go red and her hair go bright orange. “Luckily for you, I’m a bit more professional than that. Just a weensy bit, though. Let him go, Alec.”
“Absolutely not, and certainly not after that,” Alec said, looking just as angry as she was. The remark had almost definitely been meant to rile him up, and it had clearly worked. “I’ve done good work for a year. I think I’ve earned my reward, don’t you?”
“Just get a punching bag or a voodoo doll like any sane person,” Kitty said.
“He’s not sane,” Bond mumbled.
“Wow, it really is remarkable how people always let him talk, talk, talk,” Kitty said, glancing at Alec. “How did you ever stand it?”
“It was easier on the other side of the looking glass,” Alec said with a sigh. “I had to.”
“Yeah, I know. Let him go, Alec, please. He’s not worth it.”
“No.”
“Don’t force me to stop you,” Kitty growled, interposing herself between him and Bond. “Because I—I will, Alec, I swear to God I will. I take this job seriously, and he’s part of what I’ve sworn to protect. And I...I thought you did, too.”
Bond barked out a laugh. “What did you expect from a habitual double-crosser?”
“Nobody asked you!” she snapped at him, before returning her attention to Alec. “So what’s it gonna be, Alec? Your friend, or your mission?”
Alec winced; Kitty knew those words would cut deep. She just hoped they’d cut deep enough. He glanced at the knife in his hand, then back at Bond, and sighed. “You win.” He sheathed the knife.
“Atta boy.”
“‘Boy’? I’m at least twenty years older than you.”
“Like I said,” Bond muttered, and Kitty glanced back at him.
“Alec? Don’t look.” She socked Bond in the face.
“I didn’t see a thing,” the former double-O said virtuously.
“Cool,” Kitty said, and smiled at Bond, fishing around in her belt pocket. “Hold on a sec...ah. Glasses, mon frère.” She tossed a pair of sunglasses to Alec, who put them on. She did the same, and turned to Bond, holding a penlike object in her hand. “Look at the birdie!”
Flash. “Nothing happened, you didn’t save a woman named Luna Marine, and you definitely didn’t just almost get flensed to death by Alec Trevelyan, who is dead, with a knife that is decidedly not a flensing knife.” Kitty tossed the neuralyzer in her belt pocket and withdrew the remote activator, programming a portal for Bond’s apartment in London.
“May I kick?” Alec asked.
“You may kick,” Kitty said with a sweeping bow. Alec booted Bond through the portal, which closed after him.
“This isn’t going to make it into the report, is it?” Alec asked at length.
“It should, because that’s terrifying, what you almost did,” Kitty said, “but it won’t. Not after what he said about us. Ugh. Is he always that gross?”
“Unfortunately.”
*
When they returned, there was already a note on the console waiting for them.
Agents Trevelyan and Callahan,
Report to my office immediately.
Regards,
— the Sunflower Official
“Oh, that’s not good,” Alec muttered.
“Yeah, we’re boned without soap.”
“That’s disturbing coming from you, Callahan.”
*
Kitty put her head in her hands as they left the Sunflower Official’s office. “A ban. A lifetime ban! All because you decided to go maverick and poke him!”
Alec paused. “I think you mean take a poke at him, Callahan.”
“Whichever!”
“No, not ‘whichever’. Decidedly not ‘whichever’. The two mean very different things.”
“I don’t care! You got us banned!”
“Technically, you helped.”
“Technically, I wasn’t the one threatening to cut his heart out with a spoon, so the point’s moot then, innit?”
“It wasn’t a spoon. And I wasn’t going to cut anything out.” Pause. “Yet. I’d start with his liver when I did, though. God knows he uses that enough.”
“You’ve been thinking about this for a long time, haven’t you, Alec?”
“Years.”
They made it back to their response center, just in time to hear an earsplitting [BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!] And another [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!] And another, somehow even louder [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
Kitty went to go look at the console, and her head thudded against the screen, the bells on her headband jingling. “We’re being punished. I should have expected this.”
“All of these are tragically bad, aren’t they?”
“Looks to be.” She glanced at him. “I hope that was worth it.”
“Honestly? It really, really wasn’t.”
Canon: PPC/James Bond
Rating: T for...attempted torture (don’t worry, nothing actually happens, only a punch or two), and someone making some Very Nasty Implications about Alec and Kitty (hence one of the punches).
Agents: Callahan, K.; Trevelyan, A.
Time Period: April 2004
Word Count: 1173
Summary: Alec just can’t let a grudge go, can he? (Trick question. That’s like 90% of his personality.
The other 10% is spite.)
It took Kitty a moment to notice he was gone.
“Alec?” She looked around, concerned. The Sue’s body was rapidly cooling, and she idly prodded it with a foot. “Eww.” Nothing for it – if he’d gone off to do something, it was probably important, though she was a bit put out at having been left holding the bag. She programmed a portal to the collapsing ice palace from Die Another Day and, grunting, flung the Sue through it.
“This is my strength training for the week,” she muttered as the portal closed. Then, again, louder: “Alec?”
The shout echoed around the nuclear bunker, and she frowned. She had the Remote Activator, so he couldn’t have portalled back without her. She shouldered the AK-47 she’d used to kill the Sue and padded up the concrete steps. “Marco!”
She hadn’t really expected to hear an answering ‘Polo’, but she tried again. “Marco!”
Still nothing. It was as though the bunker were utterly empty. “Alec, you absolute idiot, where the hell did you go?” she muttered to herself, before she heard a slight clatter. She turned towards it, drawing her pistol, and crept in its general direction. She heard Alec’s voice, through a door at the end of the hallway, which was slightly ajar.
“You know, they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” he said nonchalantly, almost pleasantly. “I think that’s true. Don’t you?”
There was a muttered answer, and the sound of a punch. “In that case, you’re going to be very strong by the time this is over, my old friend. You know how good I am at killing. You might not know how good I am at prolonging it.”
Kitty holstered her pistol and started to run. No, no no, nonononono...
She heard the sound of someone spitting, and then Alec laughed. It wasn’t a nice laugh. “You never change, do you, James?”
“Jesus Christ, Alec, don’t!” Kitty shouted, bursting through the door. She took in the scene with a glance – Bond tied up in a chair, Alec casually wielding a knife – and turned towards her partner to yell at him. “What in the name of St. Peter’s pink leopard-print thong do you think you’re doing?!”
“Something I should have done a long time ago, Callahan,” Alec said coolly. “Leave, and shut the door behind you. I wouldn’t want to implicate you in this.”
“Who’s your little friend, Alec?” Bond asked with a smirk. “Liking them young these days, aren’t you?”
“Oh, Mithros on a Ritz cracker, I’ve half a mind to let him stab you for that remark,” Kitty snarled, feeling her ears go red and her hair go bright orange. “Luckily for you, I’m a bit more professional than that. Just a weensy bit, though. Let him go, Alec.”
“Absolutely not, and certainly not after that,” Alec said, looking just as angry as she was. The remark had almost definitely been meant to rile him up, and it had clearly worked. “I’ve done good work for a year. I think I’ve earned my reward, don’t you?”
“Just get a punching bag or a voodoo doll like any sane person,” Kitty said.
“He’s not sane,” Bond mumbled.
“Wow, it really is remarkable how people always let him talk, talk, talk,” Kitty said, glancing at Alec. “How did you ever stand it?”
“It was easier on the other side of the looking glass,” Alec said with a sigh. “I had to.”
“Yeah, I know. Let him go, Alec, please. He’s not worth it.”
“No.”
“Don’t force me to stop you,” Kitty growled, interposing herself between him and Bond. “Because I—I will, Alec, I swear to God I will. I take this job seriously, and he’s part of what I’ve sworn to protect. And I...I thought you did, too.”
Bond barked out a laugh. “What did you expect from a habitual double-crosser?”
“Nobody asked you!” she snapped at him, before returning her attention to Alec. “So what’s it gonna be, Alec? Your friend, or your mission?”
Alec winced; Kitty knew those words would cut deep. She just hoped they’d cut deep enough. He glanced at the knife in his hand, then back at Bond, and sighed. “You win.” He sheathed the knife.
“Atta boy.”
“‘Boy’? I’m at least twenty years older than you.”
“Like I said,” Bond muttered, and Kitty glanced back at him.
“Alec? Don’t look.” She socked Bond in the face.
“I didn’t see a thing,” the former double-O said virtuously.
“Cool,” Kitty said, and smiled at Bond, fishing around in her belt pocket. “Hold on a sec...ah. Glasses, mon frère.” She tossed a pair of sunglasses to Alec, who put them on. She did the same, and turned to Bond, holding a penlike object in her hand. “Look at the birdie!”
Flash. “Nothing happened, you didn’t save a woman named Luna Marine, and you definitely didn’t just almost get flensed to death by Alec Trevelyan, who is dead, with a knife that is decidedly not a flensing knife.” Kitty tossed the neuralyzer in her belt pocket and withdrew the remote activator, programming a portal for Bond’s apartment in London.
“May I kick?” Alec asked.
“You may kick,” Kitty said with a sweeping bow. Alec booted Bond through the portal, which closed after him.
“This isn’t going to make it into the report, is it?” Alec asked at length.
“It should, because that’s terrifying, what you almost did,” Kitty said, “but it won’t. Not after what he said about us. Ugh. Is he always that gross?”
“Unfortunately.”
When they returned, there was already a note on the console waiting for them.
Agents Trevelyan and Callahan,
Report to my office immediately.
Regards,
— the Sunflower Official
“Oh, that’s not good,” Alec muttered.
“Yeah, we’re boned without soap.”
“That’s disturbing coming from you, Callahan.”
Kitty put her head in her hands as they left the Sunflower Official’s office. “A ban. A lifetime ban! All because you decided to go maverick and poke him!”
Alec paused. “I think you mean take a poke at him, Callahan.”
“Whichever!”
“No, not ‘whichever’. Decidedly not ‘whichever’. The two mean very different things.”
“I don’t care! You got us banned!”
“Technically, you helped.”
“Technically, I wasn’t the one threatening to cut his heart out with a spoon, so the point’s moot then, innit?”
“It wasn’t a spoon. And I wasn’t going to cut anything out.” Pause. “Yet. I’d start with his liver when I did, though. God knows he uses that enough.”
“You’ve been thinking about this for a long time, haven’t you, Alec?”
“Years.”
They made it back to their response center, just in time to hear an earsplitting [BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!] And another [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!] And another, somehow even louder [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
Kitty went to go look at the console, and her head thudded against the screen, the bells on her headband jingling. “We’re being punished. I should have expected this.”
“All of these are tragically bad, aren’t they?”
“Looks to be.” She glanced at him. “I hope that was worth it.”
“Honestly? It really, really wasn’t.”